


motels and hotels

by feelingfizzy



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Homesickness, How Do I Tag, Light Angst, M/M, Phan - Freeform, Touring
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-09
Updated: 2018-06-09
Packaged: 2019-05-19 14:48:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14875796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/feelingfizzy/pseuds/feelingfizzy
Summary: Phil gets homesick sometimes. Dan does, too. They make it better for each other.





	motels and hotels

**Author's Note:**

> beta reader: @fruit-lupe on tumblr!  
> hey umm after being in the phandom For Years i finally wrote a phanfic, first of many (hopefully)  
> please leave comments and kudos, thank you so much for reading!

“Home is where the heart is” everyone says and, while Phil gets that, he’s never missed home more in his life. He misses their bed and the stupid moon mirror hanging over it that he thinks is tacky but Dan loves. He misses their Japanese maple, how he missed its blooming season because he’s on tour. He misses their home that isn’t quite a forever home but for now it’s all they need.

Phil never was good with homesickness. As a child he was prone to bringing his pillow from home on vacation with him, toting it around like a teddy bear. Even though it’s not a vacation and more of a job now, he does the same thing, despite that he’s twenty years older. Sometimes it’s just not enough though, because although how comfy they claim to be, the sheets of motels and hotels are scratchy and they don’t smell like his own. Phil barely sleeps those nights. He always tries to close his eyes and pretend he’s back in London. Some nights it’s easier because he can listen to Dan shift around next to him, sighing and snoring and shuffling and generally sleeping the same as when they’re at home but still, he’s desperately homesick and pretending doesn’t always cut it. There are nights their management puts them in different rooms, and Phil just lays there, staring at the ceilings with weird designs, feeling displaced and awkward in a space that isn’t his. On those occasions he’s more than once found himself knocking on Dan’s hotel door at way too late of hours. Dan always answers and lets him in, sleep rumpled and grumbling that Phil woke him up, but Phil knows he secretly doesn’t care, that Dan’s secretly worried about him.

Phil misses his houseplants. He knows it’s stupid, despite Dan reassuring him that it’s normal and joking that they’re probably all dead anyway, Phil still knows it’s stupid. Phil spends a lot of his time on the balconies of places they’re staying, whenever they happen to have one. He can sit out there and smell the sometimes fresh air. He always stares wistfully at the trimmed gardens of motels and hotels and pretend it’s his tiny garden at home. The times where Dan joins him on those balconies, Dan assures him that at their next place the gardening can be as elaborate and extensive as Phil wants. Phil always smiles, albeit a little sadly, because their next place feels so far away in comparison to how close he wants it to be. Dan always gets it, though, and for the rest of their time outside they sit in an introspective silence.

Phil can see when Dan’s homesick, too, he’s just better at hiding it than Phil. Phil knows he’s obvious, with the way he cuddles the pillow he brought along, and the way that he lays awake at night wishing to be where he feels he belongs. Dan might not be as obvious, but Phil can see it’s there by the way his shoulders droop and eyes glaze over when they have to cram themselves into a tiny tour van. (Dan always jokes hollowly that his legs are going never going to uncramp from being squished against luggage, Phil just hums in agreement). Phil can see it in the way Dan subconsciously spreads out his belongings around hotel rooms in order to, even if just for a night, make the bland place look more like his own. Phil tries to comfort him in small ways, with ordering mass amounts of Dan’s favorite foods from room service or telling him stupid jokes Phil found from a quick Google search. Dan tells him it helps, but Phil can tell he’s still just tired from their long time on the road.

Phil never really understood the appeal of the rockstar lifestyle, and going on tour just solidified that. Tatinof had been hard, but somehow, this tour felt even harder. Whether it was because the dream of a forever home was even closer now, or maybe it was that he really was just getting older and more sentimental, but waking up in a new city everyday was wearing Phil down. Their manager had told him that this tour should be easier because he knew what to expect. He didn’t have the heart to tell her she was wrong, because his mind and body just ached to go home.

But then there are the moments where they’re standing on stage, kids, teens, and adults alike screaming not only for him, but for Dan as well. The moments where he gets to know and see all of these lives that he touched. The moments where he feels nothing but gratified because here they are, thousands of miles away from home and it finally feels like his decade of hard work paid off. The moments where Dan gives him the full tooth smile, eyes glittering not only from the rush of being on stage, but just from being alive, and Phil feels rushes of pride from how far Dan’s come, how far _they’ve_ come. Phil tells him this later, and Dan pushes him, telling him he’s a sap. But Phil can read Dan and he sees that dimple pop out because he’s trying not to smile, and Phil knows Dan is just as proud.

Maybe home really is where the heart is, Phil thinks, when Dan gives him that exasperated look on stage when Phil makes an accidental innuendo. Or when Dan nudges his shoulder against Phil’s when they’re doing meet and greets and Phil sends him back a small smile because, despite how many times they’ve done this together, being surrounded by loud masses of fans will never not be stressful, but with those subtle checks they remind each each other they’re not alone. Or when Dan walks out of hotel bathrooms, smelling of Lush bath bombs with scary looking face masks always plastered on him while he complains about the water pressure of hotel showers, Phil shaking his head at how high maintenance he is.

Or maybe it’s when Dan’s just as homesick as Phil is, pressing himself into Phil’s side, his curls tickling the underside of Phil’s chin. Maybe that’s when Phil knows that home might just lie in two places, one being a lofty London apartment and houseplants and a moon room, but, maybe the other is long, tan fingers entwining with his own.


End file.
